Dating jerks
Ok, so it seems that my most recent posts didn't get much attention/reaction from everyone. Apparently a happy version of me isn't very interesting. Or maybe it's just something about blogs, because I have to admit that the ones that I enjoy to read the most are those that have some complaint in them, perhaps it has that universal appeal. Who knows, either way this blog was in part encouraged by that part of my mind that wants to complain, you know, the part of me that always thinks I'm always right.
So of late I've been thinking about relationships a good bit. Not that I'm actually in any kind of relationship, and though I think I want to be in one I can't really figure out why that is at the moment. I have realized that it has been a near constant topic of conversation with some friends down here. One of the topics that was brought up by a male friend was that he's sick of being the nice guy. He's tiered of treating girls nicely, being a gentleman and somehow getting nothing from it. All the while he sees these jerks getting the girls, and essentially treating them like shit. Now this is something that I can relate to, hell to be honest I saw this pattern in elementary school. The tough guy/bully/idiot always seemed to get the girl. At the time I distinctly remember thinking, "when they get older they will be smarter and not go for the jerks, I'll have my chance then". Well, I'm almost 28, my friend is 30, so when are girls going to stop dating the jerks? (no we aren't trying to date 16 year olds)
Now I have to pause her for a moment. After all a number of girls read this page, at least I would like to believe that. And many of them have boyfriends, I think most probably do, most of those guys I am friends with and would not consider them to be jerks. So obviously there are exceptions. Just the same, I'm still going to rant, if I'd had a blog when I was 10 I would have ranted then, but I don't think the Apple IIe was internet ready.
Now I don't think I need to go into much detail as to what kind of jerks there are out there that women will date, either you're a girl and you've dated them, you’re a guy and you've been passed over for a jerk, or you are a jerk and you keep getting girls and I hate your guts. But I did have an interesting conversation with a friend who claimed that she doesn't date jerks. Being the gentleman that I am I didn't correct her at the time, but the last 3 guys she dated were/are all jerks! One still tries on occasion to hook up with her even though he has a girlfriend at the moment.
So how does a girl who obviously has recently dated a string of jerks manage to claim that she dates nice guys? This just goes to show that women will date jerks yet somehow, even though they acknowledge that they have dated jerks, they will claim to date "nice guys". Or perhaps girls can't see the guys as jerks until they have dated them, though I could have spotted most of these guys as being jerks from the outset.
So I don't really know where I'm going with this post at this moment. I'm not looking for some miraculous answer to why the jerks keep getting the girls. After 18 years of hoping I've pretty much given up on the idea that girls will stop falling for the jerks. So I'm trying to figure out how to be a jerk, since that seems to be what I'm missing in order to get/keep the interest of a girl. It's either that or I keep going with my current method which has netted me about a half dozen girlfriends (depending on how you want to classify them) in 18 years. So though that averages one every three years the fact remains that the longest relationship was about 3 months. Hell I know that jerks have had longer relationships than that.
But I'm sure the plan to be a jerk would fail at some point. I would do something stupid, like fail to make a sexist joke, forget to kick a puppy, not swear ever other word, or worst of all I may actually ask the girl what she thought/wanted/likes. So I'm pretty much screwed...wait, I'm not screwing, that's the problem...anyway you know what I mean. I probably won't try to act like a jerk, I think CMac has a lock on that one, but deep down he is a good guy, and somehow the girls see that (or maybe it's the stench of desperation?). Anyway for any of you single girls out there reading this wondering which jerk you should date next, do me a favour. Look at your friends, figure out which one hasn't in some way done something typically jerky (jerkish, jerkily...who do you conjugate that word?) and give them a shot. You may just find that they are in fact the nice guy that you've been saying you want to find. Here's one last tip to help identify them, he's the guy who you talk to about all the jerks you've dated, unless of course he's gay, but you get the idea.
8 Comments:
Amen, brother. It had to be said. Mind you, I've finally found one that doesn't date jerks, so I'm doing what any sane nice guy would do. Marrying her! :)
They are out there. They're tough to find, though, and they're even tougher to find before they've gotten all bitter about all the jerks they've dated.
Here's to the hunt, my friend. :)
3:21 p.m.
Maybe you need to find some different girls to hang with! =)Jerks are highly overrated, although I guess there must be a quality that makes some women like them. I believe it may have more to do with feeling protected, as antiquated as that notion may be. When you are too nice, it can be misconstrued (spelling?)as being weak. The trick is to be caring, considerate and otherwise gentlemanly, all while subtly letting her know you are strong enough to "be the man". Or, I could be talking out of my ass and some girls are inexplicably drawn to jerks like moths to flames. I also haven't been single in an awfully long time, so I really dont know anything about the "adult" dating scene. Sorry!
7:57 p.m.
You almost lost me at: "So of late I've been thinking about relationships a good bit."
But then you brought me back in with some very sound, cogent thoughts, and I agree with you 100%. And Lisa, too. The "feeling protected" by type A personality jerks thing. Even though I'm not a jerk (but I play one in real life), I could throw down with a guy who gets up in my grill to protect my girlfriend. Or whatever the kids say these days.
Not to hijack this post, or turn it into a sob session, I have pretty must lost all hope of finding a girl any time soon, that's why I have given up. No, not turned gay (though I'm sure Sklee has a bet that I will turn out that way), just figured that right now in life, my time is better spent getting my ass out of Edmonton than getting prettied up and head out to the bar/bookstore/other places to meet single women (or married ones looking for a little "teddy bear" action).
Ah, life as CMac rules!
One thing I will say is that you have tons of confidence over me, so use that to your advantage, and go out and show those ladies what CH has to offer! "Yes ladies, THIS could all be yours". And wear those short shorts to show off those calves of yours! No ballroom dancing happening @ UM (or whatever the abbreviation is)?
8:51 p.m.
Girls date jerks because jerks don't care (or don't seem to). It is an ego thing for them to try to make jerks into non-jerks (never works)
If you are non-jerk to start with, they have nothing to fight with.
At least that is my story. Good luck with the ladies - there are lots out there - find a single mommie (worked for me)
9:32 p.m.
Good to see that this post got some attention.
Colin, well what can I say, you hit the jackpot, we can only hope to be so lucky.
Lisa, you are probably right with the protected thing. So I guess my girly arms which are great for biking won't help much for giving the sense of being protected. That's the problem with strong legs, they help the flight part of fight or flight.
CMac, don't be so harsh on yourself. You're a stand up guy, things will pan out eventually. If not try finding a lonely female gorilla, with that facial hair of yours I'm sure you could score ;)
Semimba, I've dated single moms and divorced women, though they didn't work at the time. But I just want to point out that those women also dated (and in some cases married) jerks. But obviously perspectives change with time
12:35 p.m.
"Jerks are highly overrated,"
No they're not. Zip it toots!
9:24 p.m.
Interesting blog.. and friends too, you have here..!!
I just happened to come across your blog by hitting the "next blog" button on the top right corner of each blog, and "dating jerks" caught my interest.
But IMHO, i think 'women prefer jerks' theory is such a common myth that guys tend to wanna be jerks cuz they think it will somehow help girls to be interested in them. That, or, all guys simply just have 'jerkiness' in them somewhere; it all depends on whether the girl is The One or not. If not, the jerky part will expose itself sooner or later. From what I observe around me, at least that's how it is.
Nice guys can be jerks at times, and jerks on the other hand, if they happened to meet the key to their heart, can be xtremely nice too. Then again... it all comes back to how you define jerks (whether they are jerks even if they did only one or few jerky stuff? or they have to be a consistent jerks to be labeled a jerk???) If, it is the 1st one, then conclusion is - all guys are jerks. The latter is actually overruled, cuz if so there'll be very few jerks around, which of cuz, is so not true!
anyway. it's just my opinion. have faith in urself. u'll find your someone! =)
11:37 p.m.
Well first of all i must say u have excellent taste since u have the same blog template as me!! (:P) hehe..
And second of all.. I have the same complaint why does all nice men, the not so jerkish ones go for girls who arnt so nice.. I cant figure that one out!
I'v met a lot of jerks.. and I am not with any one of them..but the nice guys never come .. I am starting blv there are no nice guys out there... I am not going to settle for someone less than what i want though jerk or not!! ( i will probbaly die a spinster!!)
I think its a dilemma... of both the sex.. its dilemma of humankid!! We need some intervention fast :)
Anyways i enjoyed your raving and ranting! keep em coming.. havnt read any of the others but would do..
10:38 p.m.
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