Christmas wish list

Well, it's that time of year again. The Christmas carols are playing everywhere like thousands of fingernails on chalkboards. My neighbour across the hall has changed the decorations on his door for the third straight month. It started with Halloween witch heads, then November was some kind of Thanksgiving wreath (dead twigs and vines) and now it's a red plaid wreath with a Santa head. If there is a naked baby in New Year wreath up there for January, I swear I'll move.

One of the nice things about the US holidays is that with Thanksgiving between Halloween and Christmas I didn't get bombarded with the November 1st store conversion to Christmas mode. But it's here now, no matter what I do I have to face that fact. This was driven home last weekend when my mother made her traditional call, asking me what I want for Christmas. So here's a first draft of what I would like to find under the tree this year. If you have anything you think I should add please let me know.

• Of course as a cyclist I would be remiss in not wanting to add to my collection of two wheeled vehicles. I only have 3 bikes at the moment, and if I want to make a difference in my racing next year I think that an upgrade is in order. Do you think $5,400 for a bike that I might ride for 200 km a year is too much...nah, I didn't think so; doesn't it just look fast!

There are of course many other bikes and accessories that I would love to get, but I don't want to seem greedy.

• Of course with the new bike there just wouldn't be any room for all 4 of them in the closet. After all I couldn't risk bumping them together and scratching the paint. So the obvious solution is for someone to get me a new place. I'd suggest a condo in the warehouse district. The photo below is an adequate representation of what I would need, but you will also be giving me the gift of a new paint job, because white walls just won't do.
• Now since I will be moving to a new part of town, and I'm just too lazy to figure out a new bus schedule, someone is going to have to get me a car for Christmas. And don't worry, I'm not going to ask for anything insane like a Hummer, I still have a social conscience, I want something fuel-efficient, but also stylish. So maybe and Audi would fit properly...though I will probably still need to get a lift to bike races, after all, you can't put a roof rack on an Audi, that would be a disgrace.
• And of course at this point my wardrobe is getting quite dated, seriously, pink shirts were so yesterday. I need to be in style to hang out with all the trendy new people I will be meeting with my new car and condo. So I'm thinking a gift certificate for a complete wardrobe will be necessary, it doesn't have to be from anywhere to fancy, I can live with Banana Republic. Of course if someone wanted to get me a smaller gift, I could always use a tuxedo, because every guy looks good in a tux; for the record though, I look damn good in a tux.

So if you haven't figured it out by now, I have no real clue what I want for Christmas. I'm a bit too old to be writing to Santa in the hopes of getting everything I see in the toy catalogue. The reality is that I don't really need anything. I really don't get much joy from material things, books and music (can music be material?) are some of the few things that I really enjoy. Obviously I love bike stuff, but the reality is that I'm either too picky or too selective to make getting me bicycle gifts practical/affordable. Of course this will drive my parents nuts trying to figure out what to give me, what do you get for the son who lives in another country and whom you see once a year? My guess is probably about the same thing said son gets his parent's and brother who live in another country and who he sees once a year, something he hopes will be appreciated but is never really sure about it.