WTF is up with the weather?

So yeah, a while back I was mentioning how there was a misconception that Minneapolis was a frozen wasteland. Well today was a very eloquent summation to my argument that this will go down as the warmest of the 28 winters of my life. Here we are, January 27th and the daytime high today is 8 C (46 F), which is down from the predicted high of 13 C (56 F) that I saw this morning. The current high however is one degree Fahrenheit (you know, I even hate to try and spell that name, there is reason enough to switch to the metric scale) below the record set in 1934.

So what's going on here? Is this part of the effect of global warming that guys like Bush and King Ralph would make us believe isn't happening? Or is this my doing?

Hear me out, I think I may be onto something. When I moved to Edmonton for grad school I knew that I was in for a nasty winter, having spent all my life in southern Quebec. Yet though it got bitterly cold (anyone else ever freeze an ear to the point where it blistered?) there was never any snow. In fact up until the last summer that I was there I think the whole province had been in a massive drought. This was most evident in the winter. See I would hear all these stories from the locals, proclaiming snow up to the roof and walking to school on the tops of telephone poles...ok some of those may have been stories my father told me, but others came from the 20 somethings that I knew in town. Yet did I ever see a massive snowfall? Hell no! The worst I saw was maybe a couple of inches, sure that would put Toronto or Huston in a panic, but no real Canadians.

So now that I have moved here I had to "endure" all of two weeks of "cold" weather. Though a couple of weeks with -15 C (5 F) lows doesn't really compare to a week of highs at -30 C (-22 F). It would seem that much like the moisture in Alberta the cold in Minneapolis has disappeared with my arrival.

So I have a proposition for those of you out there who read this blog. If you wish for the "traditional" weather in your region to be altered for any period of time, I place my services at your disposal, for a small fee of course. Do you wish to end a drought? Warm the region up? Or maybe it's just too damn hot on your tropical island? Pay for my ticket and the aforementioned fee (which will vary, if the weather is going to turn to something I don't like the price obviously goes up) and you will have your very own binary weather switch. I will of course also require proper accommodations while in the area, a penthouse or large furnished condo will do nicely.

Now to sit back and wait for the money to roll in...or if nobody calls, I'm going to Florida to hold the citrus growers hostage.