Confessions of a Procrastinator.

I figure that it's about time that I get this out in the open, I am a PROCRASTINATOR. I know that those of you closest to me will find this to be shocking, but it's true, I don't feel that I can live with lie any more.

It's been going on for years, probably all my life, I just haven't taken the time to figure out exactly when I first started to put things off. I certainly recall a few times that I put off going to the bathroom before getting bundled into my snowsuit, only to whine about needing to pee once the whole process was done and I was a foot out the door.

Then of course once I started school I began to learn how to procrastinate more and more. I learned just how easy it was to 'forget' about a project until the night before it was due. It was oh so much fun to stay up late and rush to get the job done. I know that my parents really appreciated it, for more often than not they couldn't contain their enthusiasm and just had to involve themselves.

Once I started my undergrad I learned a whole new level of procrastination, I seriously wanted to petition the dean to make it a proper degree. I'm certain that I could have succeeded in convincing him, had I taken the time to decide if it should be a Bachelor of Art or a Bachelor of Science degree...after all it requires all the creativity and self-expression of an art, yet the psychological and physical aspects of time wasting cannot be underestimated.

And let's not even discuss graduate school. The whole principal of graduate school is the avoidance of the real world, hence the avoidance of completing this evasive maneuver. Procrastination at that level requires a concentrated effort, such as watching a fish tank for 15 minutes or devising games involving bouncing a super ball from desk to desk and who can forget going for coffee (halfway across campus).

For those of you uninitiated to procrastination I am willing to impart some of the many techniques that I have acquired to elevate your status among fellow wasters of time:

• Should you find yourself with a task to do, look around, there are certainly several more less pressing duties that need to be done. Why do calculus homework when you can finally write a thank you note to your great grandmother for the lovely wool socks that she gave you last christmas? After all she tied the bow on there so nicely you have yet to even bring yourself to undo it.

• Remember that a messy room is a sign of poor procrastination. Nothing says that I don't want to do my work better than a spotless floor, clean folded clothes and a perfectly made bed...well perhaps an impeccably scrubbed toilet and bathtub...but be careful of how much is done at one time, breaks for food are important for proper procrastination.

• Television is another good option. But you must be careful to chose wisely. Sitcoms are a trap, they are only on for a short period of time and with so little in the way of plot or story that they are over before you realize it, then you have to justify watching another show. The better choice is something educational, like the life-cycles of the sloth - just make sure that it is as far removed from the project being avoid, we don't want any accidental productivity - the benefit to documentary shows is that not only are they long, but for the most part they cannot get advertising dollars so there is little stimulus to interrupt your vegetative state, thus artificially extending the time.

• Finally should you have exhausted all the above options, get up and look for some place comfortable to lie down such as your bed, the kitchen table or the floor mat in the bathroom...all these locations are highly conductive to sleep, and by now you need a rest, avoiding work is hard work. An additional bonus is that in the groggy post-nap haze you may be able to actually forget the work that needs to be done (though do not expect these results immediately, this is a master level technique).

These are just a few trick of the trade, I am certain that you will be able to find many more of them if you ever get around to applying yourself. Of course there is the other obvious time wasting device that I have yet to mention, blogging. Though don't fear, you need not write your own blog, there are plenty of enterprising people out there willing to write simply for the desire to be heard. However you can start a blog and fill it full of nonsensical ramblings simply as a matter of avoiding all kinds of unplesantries in life, like taking out the garbage, doing dishes, reading painfully boring blogs written by others....the possibilities are endless.

So yes, I am procrastinator...I'll let you know if I ever get around to doing anything about it.