Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Thoughts on a bike ride

I know that some of you who read this blog are, like myself, a little bit touched and tend to enjoy bicycling way too much. For the rest of you probably don't really know just what that's like so I figured I would try to describe the usual post-work weekday training ride.

5:30 pm - You just got home from work and the ride starts in 30 minutes, and you live at least 15 minutes from the ride start. Sure it would have been smart to prep everything that morning (or even the night before), but let's face it though you will ride a century (100 miles) at the drop of a hat, you are fundamentally lazy off the bike. Hence beyond getting your gear, water bottles and food ready, you probably have to fill or change the tires, fix some nagging noise/poor shifting/worn-out brake pads...

5:50 pm - You decided to eat a bowl of cereal and check your email again, so you didn't fix that annoying noise and now you're busting your ass to get to the start point on time.

6:00 pm - You're the only one there, like every other time everyone else is running late, because they actually fixed the noise and ate, so you sit around waiting for them.

6:10 pm - Ok, so now that people are here it's time to chit-chat, yeah you should get out and go while it's still warm and light, but you haven't seen these people in a couple days...unless you count the emails and on-line forums the club uses. Anyway, this is the time to make the excuses, I barely slept last night, I'm still burnt out from the weekend. And it's also time to reaffirm that each person will be going slow up the hills or there aren't many hills, and that this is a recovery ride. Those of you not part of a club should know that a) they will go slow up the hills, if nobody is in front of them, if you pass them they will pass you b) it's always a hill ride, even in the middle of the prairies cyclist can find hills, and when they do see a c) Nobody goes on recovery rides, in part because of b.

6:30 pm - See, there's that damn hill, so much for this won't be a hill ride. But maybe you are feeling good, maybe you can actually keep up with the guy who weighs in at 120 pounds...with the bike and two full water bottles. Ok, so maybe you kept up until you accidentally passed his wheel by half an inch, now he's 10 feet in front of you seem to be moving backwards. But hey, this is only one hill, you can survive this ride.

6:55 pm - Hill eight. Wait a minute, this hill has an emergency exit for trucks whose breaks fail, are you sure this is the right way? Of course you're only a third of the way up the hill and already there is nobody within earshot to hear what you are saying, hell you can hardly hear over the pounding of your pulse in your ear...is that healthy?

7:15 pm - Top of hill ten, time for a rest break. Though actually this is only a rest break in the loosest of terms. You see, you were the last one to the top, everyone else has been resting for a while now so they will give you just enough time to let you unclip and take a drink from your bottle, but only one drink, then it's off for more fun...why didn't you just stay home on the couch?

7:45 pm - You don't know how many you've been on, you're even fairly certain that the fast guys are hiding around the corner and taking turns having you chase their barely visible form up the same hills over and over. But now everyone is back together. Time for a little chit chat, and a chance to decide what hill to take for the final climb. Unfortunately you are too feeble to make your selection of heard, and of course the chosen route is the one with the wall of a road...but it's shorter (like that really helps things).

7:50 pm - Ok, last hill, you're feeling like you can do this. You've done it before and lived to ride another day...well not the next day, after all you were kind of worried when you actually felt muscle fibres in your thigh tear as you raced over the top with that other lunatic...shit he's beside you again, and why is he grinning like that?

7:50:15 pm - Alright, this can work, you're not feeling too bad, you chose the right gear, your legs are spinning nicely

7:50:30 pm - Maybe that was the wrong gear? Your legs are still turning over but they seem to be listening to someone else, someone telling them to go slower each time...interesting.

7:50:45 pm - Yeah, you were in the wrong gear, and you really should have shifted about 30 seconds ago. Now you're going about 10 km/h and you start to wonder how you're still able to balance moving so slowly.

7:51:20 pm - Only 100 meters left to the hill you can do it.

7:51:44 pm - Only 50 meters left. And now it seems as though your legs stop at the bottom of each pedal stroke...why haven't you fallen over yet?

7:52:08 pm - Just 15 meters, thank god you were starting to see spots.

7:53: 27 pm - Aren't you there yet? What the hell is taking so long?

7:53: 40 pm - Did you slip onto a treadmill or something? Because you really should be at the top by now?

7:53:56 pm - Finally. You've made it. So now you can take a "break". Which incidentally you're going to need, because they group will want to ride at about 50 km/h now that it's a flat section in order to make all the lights.

8:02 pm - And yet another light missed by just a second...and yet again we accelerate like mad in a futile attempt to make the next light...as if you legs hadn't suffered already.

8:14 pm - Finally, the group has started to break up as people search for the shortest way home, or the way home that doesn't involve riding with the guys who are nuts and upping the pace all the time. By chance you get a nice easy route home, along the river road with the nice houses...and impatient angry old ladies in a hurry to get home and die. Seriously, a twenty second delay to pull into your driveway won't kill you, and do you really need to start honking from half a block back?

8:25 pm - It's almost done, you're on the last leg of the trip, all alone and you can now go as slow as you want without fear of ridicule...well maybe that Latino kid on the tricycle ridiculed you as he passed you but you don't speak Spanish. And just as you think the last of the insults are done with your neighbours have one last treat for you...they are all out making dinner on the BBQ! Charred meat could never smell better, you're actually so hungry that dirt would taste good, but all you have at home is more cereal, because after the last ride you were too tired/lazy to get to the grocery store, and it's not likely to be any different tonight.

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