Trip through the Midwest

I learned a few things through our weekend trip out to Pittsburgh and back. Some of these things may have been useful to learn, others certainly were not. I'll let you be the judge of what was useful and what wasn't. Since this was my first trip through the Midwest here's a state by state commentary on what I saw.

Wisconsin:
Never before have I seen a single state so devoted to a singular idea. It was almost breathtaking how they all seem to be in lockstep on this one topic. Billboards and business signs all along the highway shout out a reminder of their devotion to you. It would be very impressive, if it wasn't for cheese. Seriously, this whole state is just nuts about bacterially cultured milk products. Sure cheese is great on pizza and ok on a few other things, but damn these people need to find a new interest. Just look at their football fans, I don't know how but they managed to incorporate cheese in to that as well!

Illinois:
Now this state wasn't so bad, I've actually been here a couple of times before, both conference trips to Chicago. So I was initially excited to learn that our trip would take us through Chicago. It's a beautiful city with an impressive skyline. And I got plenty of time to watch that skyline inch pass. It seems that everyone in the state of Illinois has nothing better to do than to drive around Chicago, even at 3:00 pm on a Sunday! And why are they all heading towards Wisconsin at that time? Don't they know there's nothing there but cheese? Oh and I got to see a billboard expounding the virtues of a conservative talk radio station. They did so in the eloquent and succinct "Liberals Hate It" statement. Don't you love tolerance?

Indiana:
To be honest I don't recall much about Indiana. There seemed to be a good number of factories and an equal amount of stench. I guess the only good thing was that the roads were well maintained and the speed limit was 70 mph. I can only assume that was done to facilitate the escape of any unfortunate traveller that must pass though the state. And at least the tolls (yes there were tolls for most of the trip) were done with a smart system. You pick up a card on the way in and pay on the way out. Though I don't know what the punishment is if you can't pay...maybe they make you stay in the state?

Ohio:
I think somewhere along the way we have all heard the term "Cleveland Rocks!". Personally I could never figure that out, how on earth did some Midwest city get that slogan. Then I stopped at a rest stop in the state. I think the city rocks whenever someone takes a step. Damn the people there are fat! Are they only eating cheese that the got in Wisconsin? The really sad part for people in Ohio is that not only are they so fat, but they are just plain ugly! I don't wish to be mean, but damn! By the way, if you want to make money in Ohio set up a vending machine selling scratch and win tickets at a highway rest stop. Within 3 minutes I saw about half a dozen people pump about $50 into the damn thing. And just check out past Ohio lottery winners to see what an attractive state it is.

Pennsylvania:
Though not technically part of the Midwest this was our final destination. Driving into the state at about 2:00 am didn't provide us with much to see. Actually the thick fog prevented us from seeing much at all. Strangely enough the fog seemed to hover over the construction zones on the highway at night...talk about eerie. On the way out we did get to see the nice hilly roads, though sadly no Amish. But there was more fog that morning as well, do you think the fog ate the Amish?

The last thing that I learned on the trip is that if you are speeding for roughly 1700 miles you are likely to get caught at some point in time. Usually when you are about an hour or two from being home. Oh and the fine for speeding in Wisconsin (between 11 and 15 mph over the limit) is $186! At least that will help make the roads better...though then I'd probably be likely to drive faster...yeah all in all that part of the trip sucked. After all you never want to have this guy walk up to your car.