Moods

So obviously in the last post I was feeling a bit off. I know this much about myself, these things happen from time to time. Most often when I don't get the chance to exercise regularly...wow that kind of reminds me of Graeme Obree. Though I know that I do now suffer depression to that extent, I have a bit of it in me. I really noticed it when I moved to Edmonton and the lack of daylight in the winter really started to get to me. All of this may even have been part of the cause for my alcoholism, I'm not really certain, but I can't say that I was the happiest I ever was, even when drinking.

Fortunately after I got my first two wheel bike for my seventh birthday I never stopped riding. In fact once I stopped drinking I stated riding even more, covering ~6,000 km that first sober summer (~9,000 km the next). All this exercise not only helped my physical health but also my mental health. And I know I'm not the only one. I remember a conversation one night when I was out with a few teammates from Edmonton. We opened up and we all found that we had our daemons: tempers, depression, alcohol, drugs....you name it, but somehow being on the bike helped us cope. More than that it was a solution for most of us. No need for medication, no therapy, no treatment, just exercise, somehow the combination of lactic acid and endorphins allowed us to 'self-medicate'.

I joke with friends that don't ride, and even some that do, that I'm sick in the head for cycling as hard, as often and as far as I do. But I think the reality may be that I do all this because I'm sick in the head. Though to be honest I can get a similar effect from any activity that gets my heart rate up and works my body hard, like running (though I really hate running) or a weight work out in the gym (my usual winter cure).

This weekend has been a perfect example of how much I need that 'medication'. This week I had missed a few rides and did not get the exercise I needed. By Thursday night I was well into my shitty state of mind. Yet since then I have been out for a mountain bike ride, a really hard road ride, a game of dodgeball (ok in that one I didn't work so hard, it was rainy and my tooth just hurt like hell) a low intensity bike ride and a run (yes I know, I hate to but I need to run to be better for cyclocross). After each of these I felt great, I felt alive and more importantly I felt happy! The combination of all of them has my body just feeling perfect and my mind is at peace.

It's funny how these blogs work. This post was meant to be a comment on my love of mountain biking, how it reminds me that, as in life, a lot of the time you have to let it flow to keep things in control, if you fight the bike you will crash, if you let it ride and hang on you will make it through. But instead something a bit deeper inside of me made it's way out, I really didn't even think that this would come out, I hadn't really consciously thought it lately.

But then again, it is just like a good mountain bike ride, I'm letting it flow, while keeping a good grip on the bar to navigate what I see in the trail ahead. So long as I am there for the ride it will all be good, I just have to remember when I can take control and when it's best just to keep my balance and just roll on through.

*By the way, do not worry about my state of mind and any potential depression related issues. I truly am happy and well, my mood on Friday was just that, a mood and that's the worst that it gets. And as I said, I know how to make sure that the mood passes as quickly as possible.