Cute idea, but will it work?

You have to hand it to Google, they are a smart bunch. I noticed a new link on the Google images search page today and figured I check it out. It was a link to try the new "Google Image Labeler".

So what does it do. Well, it's almost like a guessing game. You are paired with a hidden partner and shown the same image and you have to give it a descriptive label. You continue to do this until you both use the same label and then it's on to the next image. This keeps going to 90 seconds and you get points for each match. The points are absolutely worthless and have no meaning whatsoever. So what's the point of all this?

Well it's a really cute and almost fun way of helping Google get better results on image searches. See as I understand it Google would use the accompanying text to identify the image. Which, depending on the author of the web page, may or may not be appropriate. So with this game Google is getting people to try do the labeling for them in the hopes of making it more accurately reflect the image.

The more I think about it though the less I think this will work. After all the people are going to go for the most obvious and easiest to spell word for the image. As a result if you search for "men" you will probably get about 2o billion hits. But search for something more specific, like "paleontologist" and you probably won't get much.

All the same it is a fun little matching game and it does show a very creative idea that Google is exploring. And who knows, it just might work...unless the word is hard to spell and I'm your partner, at which point I suggest that we just use the word "men" for anything challenging.

What were they thinking?

So, out of curiosity, how many of you would be interested in visiting a city that can boast having a population density 67 times smaller than that of New York City?

Still not convinced that you want to go, I can't blame you. How about a city with one of the largest collection of Dutch Elms on it's streets? No, even if it's not in the Netherlands?

Wow, tough crowd. I know, what will entice you to go there: Michael J. Fox AND Jill Hennesey* were both born there. Sure neither one lives there now, but don't let that stop you from going there.
*Yeah, I have no clue who this Jill character is, I think they just made up a name.

I know what will get you to come to the city, I mean nothing will keep me from going now. The city has a composting facility that is 25 hectares in size (that's bigger than 25 football fields)! Making it the biggest, both by volume AND size, in North America!

So really, all these great facts about a city don't make you want to visit, move there or invest? Then why the hell is Edmonton trying to promote itself with these stupid facts? Seriously, what's going on up there guys? I mean I know that there isn't much for the tourist to see other than the mall, but you could have done better than this.

I mean a population density that is only rivaled by North Dakota and Saskatchewan is what all the young people want. Lots of space with nobody around. That's why nobody ever wants to visit/move to/live in NYC.

And Dutch Elms, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you heard Dutch Elms? That's right, Dutch Elm DISEASE! What marketing ploy did this beat out, the per capita rate of Mad Cow Disease?

As for celebrities, if Michael J. Fox and some barely recognized woman are the best you have maybe you want to keep that quiet. Particularly in light of the fact that neither one lives there and I doubt that they bother to visit any more. The tourists want maps to the stars' homes, not to some house they haven't been in for 30 years.

Finally, WTF were they thinking advertising a composting facility? Yeah, I know that green cities are a good thing, but 25 football fields of rotting organic matter doesn't add up to a fun time for me. I mean maybe if the compost heap talked like Madame Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock that would be something. But they made no mention of sage advice or the potential odour for that matter.

But I suppose in the grand scheme of things the campaign to get Edmonton recognized will work. Though they will now be recognized as the lamest Canadian city. I wonder what Regina will do to try to regain the title?

Weekends need to be longer

Well I just got back from Pittsburgh today. I can't even begin to tell you all how great it was to be out there with Deirdre for the weekend. It was a short trip, I only got there at 8:30 pm on Friday and flew back this morning at 10:00 am. But while I was there it was like I was in a whole different world. All the work and stress from Minneapolis just disappeared and I was back with the girl I love again.

It was kind of funny some friends here asked me if we were doing anything special and Deirdre was asked the same by some of her friends there. In both cases we had to say no. This weekend wasn't about any big diners, or special things to do. It was all about how special it was to be together again. Having been apart almost 2 months after seeing each other daily for months on end was a shock to the system. So to be able to be back together, to curl up on the couch and watch a movie and eat a pizza was incredibly special.

So right now I'm very happy to have had the chance to see Deirdre and spend so much time with her this weekend. But I'm also saddened by being apart from her yet again. Though it is so comforting to know that even with the time and distance between us we still love each other as much, if not more than before. What can I say, she's an incredible girl and I'm so lucky to have her as my girlfriend.

Ok, that's enough with the sappy stuff. You can look forward to more bitching and complaining tomorrow...like what's with all the security guards calling me "Chris" like I'm their buddy. If I was their friend they wouldn't me making me take off my shoes and jacket like I was some criminal. If you want me to virtually strip for you I want to at least be called Mr. if not Dr. ...ok, maybe I just crossed a line from rant to strange.

Well this could be interesting

It seems that the state of California has decided to sue automakers for greenhouse gas emmissions causing environmental harm. I have no idea if this will actually succeed in doing anything sadly. As it is California has been trying to institute a law to reduce tail-pipe emissions but that has been held up in the courts by the automakers. All this reminds me a movie I saw this summer "Who killed the electric car?" I don't know if it's still playing but if you get a chance to watch it I would suggest that you take that opportunity.

Since I'm on the topic of cars and pollution I want to mention a few things that I'm not sure everyone is aware of, dealing with some of the new initiatives in place. The first is ethanol mixed fuel. This is big here in the Midwest. They use agricultural crops, like corn to get ethanol which they mix with the gas; producing what is called E85 fuel. And no, unlike it is suggested by the name it is not 85% ethanol, it's only 15% ethanol. Which might actually be a good thing, seeing as the E85 cars are LESS fuel efficient!

Don't believe me, let's look at the EPA site for the data on the 2006 Dodge Caravan

Fuel Type E85 Gasoline
MPG (city) 13 19
MPG(highway) 17 26
MPG(combined) 14 21

That's right, it's 33% LESS fuel efficient! Sure maybe we are "getting away from our dependence on foreign oil" by using E85 fuel, but we're actually fucking the environment up faster that way. Maybe if we just adopted better fuel standards we might actually be able to supply our own fuel demands with our resource...nah that wouldn't work, everybody wins that way.

Oh and the hydrogen fuel cell, that everyone is so eager to jump on board with. Well being in the research field and actually having meet numerous people who work on making these things work here's the summary of what they say: they suck! Sure you can turn hydrogen and oxygen into water and get energy from it. But where do you get the hydrogen from? It turns out you either have to get it from water or hydrocarbons (oil). And if you know anything about thermodynamics you suddenly go "wait a minute, don't you lose energy when you convert energy from one form (chemical) to another (electricity)?" Well, unless you're Lisa Simpson that's true.

So maybe we should look at the electric car again. After all we can produce electricity, we can even do it rather cleanly through nuclear power. And if that isn't enough incentive for electric cars how about instantaneous acceleration to the point of being able to dust a Ferrari?

If you want to take an active role in getting things to change check out this site, you can help get these cars to market with a small contribution as a deposit on the car once they are in production. Or at the very least get a hybrid car.

* BTW did anyone else notice the Hummer in the background of the photo at the top of the entry?

Why the world hates the US

Friday night I got yet another clear view of why the rest of the world really dislikes the US. Now before I go on I know a number of Americans read this blog, hell I'm dating one. Now I don't hate Americans, I just wish that they would learn something about things beyond their borders. I mean seriously, the Great Wall of China was never as effective at keeping out foreign ideas and ways as the Americans have been.

See what happened was I was at a party and we ended up playing Cranium. There were three teams and at one point all the teams had to compete simultaneously to see who could act out (charades) a person the fastest. Well the three "actors" all read the card and then said that they didn't even know who the person was. It was fucking Marcel Marceau!!! You know, the most famous mime in the known history of the universe. Now admittedly getting us to guess his name rather than the generic term "mime" would have been a bit harder, but still, you should at least know who the fuck he is. Particularly if you are a graduate student working towards your Ph.D. Of course when they mentioned who it was there were two of us in the room who knew who Marcel Marceau was, the other guy who knew is Honduran.

On it's own this wouldn't have been so bad. However later in the night one of the guys who didn't know Mr. Marceau was discussing college football. He asked one of the other guys if he thought that coach fat-ass really looked like Elmer Fudd. Now is it just me that thinks that it's wrong that he knows a college football coach by both name and face but couldn't even figure out who a world renowned performer was?

But I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. Any Canadian who has ever watch a weeks worth of Jeopardy has seen some supposed genius declare that Toronto is either a province or the capital city of our country. Ah, the bliss of American ignorance!

It was bound to happen.

My Canadian readers will have to let me know if this is just a US trend or if it has been allowed to cross the border. I started to notice last year that a few students on campus had these backpacks that were more like carry-on luggage. You know, the telescopic arm and wheels on the bottom. Well, it's getting more and more common around here. It seems the effort of actually carrying books is far too much exertion for these people. Ok, I know that some people have back issues and that this would help, but for most people I think the problem is just trying to carry too much stuff around. Personally I never carried a textbook to class and look at me now. So you probably don't need to carry all the textbooks you own when you only have two classes a day.

Anyway while getting lunch I finally saw what was in retrospect inevitable, someone was actually dragging around luggage. Frankly I don't care if you want to be lazy and would rather not carry your bag. Just don't mind me as I laugh when you try to use stairs. The part that annoys me is that you are dragging that damn bag three feet behind you. Now in an airport this is never a problem, mainly because people generally know where they are going and are aware of where their bags are how not to get in the way of others. Or maybe it's been long enough since I've flown that I've forgotten how bad people are? Regardless we all know how clueless most undergrads are, which is why I've already almost been tripped by some twit with one of these bags who decided to cut across my path. Now, why is it that I want to work in academia as a full time career?

Busy weekend

Well that was a fun weekend. I pretty much spent the entirety of my conscious hours this weekend in my office, which really sucks ass because it was a nice weekend (at least from what I could see through the little window I have) and it would have been nice to get some riding in. But I'm in a huge crunch in terms of time. It is reaching the crunch time to apply for academic positions for next year. So that means that I need a full research proposal to send off to any schools I would like to work at. I mean sure I would be happy to be paid to just teach at the university level, but I've got too many good research ideas just to give up on them. So for now I need to get this done which means working my ass off while trying not to expand it too much with massive amounts of junk food.

All in all the proposal writing is coming along nicely. As I'm working on it the idea continues to evolve into something that not only looks like it's fundable but also something that could actually work...or maybe I'm just sleep deprived? But it has been fun, I've had a few moments of pure joy when I found a paper that supported my purely intuitive reason towards the function of the human body. Oh yeah, my research proposal is based on an analytical method to detect doping in endurance athletes. What can I say, as a cyclist of pissed at guys like Hamilton, Heras, Millar and Landis cheating and winning. So if I can do my part to help clean the sport up why not, after all Dopers Suck!

Anyway through all this Deirdre has been really supportive and helpful in keeping me motivated even when things seemed to be way too much to get through. Which is why it's all that much more exciting that I'm going out to visit her this weekend!!! After all it will be a year since our first date, and for me that hasn't happened before so that deserves some celebration.

So with that I have to get back to the grind. Hopefully I'll post another blog or two before the weekend, but you can bet your ass that there won't be anything posted until after Sunday.

It's so true!

Those of you who don't know of the comic strip Piled Higher and Deeper should really check the site out. The comic strip is written from a former Stanford graduate student. Actually now that I think of it, the subject matter is probably funniest to those who are or have been graduate students. Either way there are a number of fabulously funny strips in the archives, most of the appeal is the universal truths of graduate school that are addressed. And the comic from today is no exception.
(click the image to see it at full size)

Deep fried and on a stick

Last month was the State fair here in Minnesota, the fair takes place between St Paul and Minneapolis. It's surprising how many people asked me if I was going to go to the fair. Now, I'll admit that I have never been to this state fair and it does have the reputation of being one of the largest in the country, but is that a good thing?
(*click the bingo card to see the categories, it's worth it)

As far as I can tell what you get at the state fair is a lot of animals and hicks from the country. And I'm not talking about your everyday hicks (the kind I grew up around) I mean your mullet styled overall wearing hicks with four and a half teeth.

Oh and there is one other thing, lots of food. But I'm not talking about good food. There are two words that describe the majority of the "foods" (I use the term loosely here) that you can get at the state fair: deep fried and on a stick. Thankfully I didn't have to go to the fair to witness this myself, someone dutifully recorded all 59 different "foods" that could be purchased on a stick at the fair this year. I can't seem to get YouTube to load the video to my blog so follow this link.

Anything you can do I can do better

In order not to be outdone by Deirdre's embarrassing moment for the day I decided to take drastic measures. This involved a comfortable reclined pose, a petry dish full of water and a lack of a lab coat. The result:

Yes, I know I should wear a lab coat.

Yes, I did hide out in my office for the remainder of the day, until my crotch was no longer evidently soaked.

Yes, this did cause me to have to wait an additional hour before going home.

Finally, no I am a not little boy who pisses his pants. I am a grown man of 29 who doesn't want to have to explain to the 50+ people at the bus stop why my crotch is so evidently soaked.

Bathroom etiquette

Now I don't want to say the maintenance staff at this university are filthy, but let's just say that I'm not going to touch anything they fix with my bare hands. See over the past couple of weeks I have had the pleasure of being in the washroom at the same time as these fine, hard working, gentlemen.

And I do mean hard working. I mean they must be in one hell of a rush to get their work done. Because one guy just left the washroom right away after taking a shit. Now that's dedication to your job! I just hope to god he wasn't one of the guys working in my office. Incidentally the ceiling has yet to be fixed since their last visit. So I'd have to bet that mister "My shit's so clean I don't need to wash my hands." wasn't in that much of a rush after all.

Today I got another surprise while I was in the washroom. The electronic beep of a two-way radio, followed by a discussion from the guy on the crapper. Now don't take this personally, but if you are ever in a washroom and I call you, I actually don't want to talk to you. I may have thought that my needs were supremely urgent, like needing to know how to make a tourniquet to stop massive hemorrhaging, but I was clearly wrong. When I talk to you on the phone I wish it to be just like when I speak to you in person, we should both be fully clothed and there should be no expulsionary bodily functions taking place at the time.

But maybe it's just. Maybe I'm a bit weird in not wanting to talk to you while being able to hear the splash and gurgle of toilets. So don't worry if I call, just turn the ringer off and let me leave a voicemail, I won't mind, I promise.

I still hate UPS

Some of you may recall the fun that I had with trying to get UPS to ship my belongings to me when I first moved to Minneapolis. Well it seems that they are doing it to me again. Below is the key information from the UPS tracking site for a package that was being sent to me for my research:

09/08/2006 7:12 A.M. Out for delivery

09/08/2006 11:19 A.M. The Package was damaged in transit. UPS will notify the sender with the details.

09/08/2006 8:57 P.M. The package was left in a UPS facility causing this delay; forwarded to facility in destination city

So if I understand this properly they managed to damage the package before they forgot it on the shelf. Wow, these guys are really impressive! Though I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised, they are constantly trying to recruit the undergrads on campus, and we know how smart they are. Though the more I think about the last status update I have to wonder if it was just a generic update; because the package was already in the destination city...though it wouldn't be the first time they sent a package back without telling me.

I'm just pissy about this because I need that package to do my research and without it I may just as well have stayed in bed this morning. Ah, this is going to be a fun week!

More ranting about undergrads

So out of curiosity does anyone know how many students at a university will wear a bike helmet while riding to and from their classes? I mean we are talking about the best and brightest that the system has to offer right. These kids are getting educations at a huge financial expense, which only seems to be getting worse. So one would figure that there would be a lot of them wearing helmets. Fuck for the cost of education down here I would be tempted to wear a helmet all the time!

So in an informal count of over 50 cyclists seen riding along a path/shared road around lunch guess how many cyclists I saw with helmets. I bet you wouldn't have guessed only 5! Oh, and that figure it technically inflated; three were wearing helmets, one had it on but not strapped up (making it useless) and one had it hung from the handlebars. So technically it was 3 in over 50, or 6% if you prefer.

Now I realize wearing a helmet can mess up your hair, but so will pavement. And sure you are probably a great cyclist (which I truly doubt) but even then do you trust the drivers and other cyclists around you not to fuck up? I sure as hell don't! On top of all this a week before class started there was news that a student was killed while riding a bike when hit by a car. Though there was no mention if there was or was not a helmet on the rider you might as well try to save yourself.

But these people riding without helmets will survive despite their own best efforts to avoid self preservation. Then a few years from now they will be the parents I want to yell at every time I see them on bike paths. Those who think it's important for their kid to ride with a helmet, but they don't need one. But, hey I can't really argue with that, the kid would probably be better off raising themselves then having those assholes as parents.

As a little aside, the kid isn't wearing the helmet properly. Notice all her forehead showing? Well that's where the road will make contact first. Way to go mom!

Chicago traffic?

Ok, I don't really know how this happened but it seems that this blog is the first hit in a google image search for "Chicago traffic". And posting this now will probably assure that I stay that way. The only reason I know this is because several times a week people will check out my blog through that link. Yes, I watch you all! I know who's watching me...well at least where you are coming from, which is kind of neat.

This week though I noticed one of the oddest referals yet, someone was searching for "Christopher Robin hairstyle". Who does that? And why am I on the top of that search list as well?

But I just can't figure out why someone would want to search for Christopher Robin's hair style? Are people now resorting to cartoons for styling tips? Are we soon going to have a whole bunch of Simpson's hair styles going around? I just hope that this isn't some parent with a cute idea for their child. Trust me it can be bad enough being named Christopher Robin (though as a middle name that's easy enough to hide) the last thing you should be doing is trying to make your kid look like him. Anyway, if you ask me that's a pretty lame hair style to begin with; it's a slightly improved version of the standard issue Republican haircut.

Cell phone censorship

I noticed this a month of two back, around the time that my old phone was starting to really die. It was then that I learned that the cell phone company will seemingly regularly update the software in your phone without you knowing it, all you have to do is turn the phone off and on (they suggest once a day).

What I noticed was that when I was sending text messages using the predictive text (or T9) function certain words just wouldn't come up. Now these were words that I would use regularly in conversations and had been coming up previously. You know those really useful words like fuck, shit, damn, bitch, crappy. They were all gone! In fact unlike other words (and times in the past) the phone would no longer "learn" these "new" words.

Now this can lead to a lot of confusion if you aren't paying attention to what is appearing on the screen, since you would think the words are obvious. So instead of a meaning full statement you end up with:

"Duck that econ piece of shiv!"
(you should be able to figure out what that means on your own)

Anyway, this problem has been partially resolved with my new as I can directly add words to the dictionary. But it really makes me wonder, why are those words left out in the first place? After all can't you find them in the Merriam-Webster dictionary? In fact you can look up the words and they will even pronounce them for you.

Now I know that this isn't censorship, but it was an active effort to make it more difficult to use "dirty" language. I suppose some Republican house wife accidentally texted her husband and said: "We are having fuck tonight." Causing consternation on all sides because we know that open discussions of sex/sexuality/drugs...anything other than blind conformity is bedlam. Just think of the children!!! Let's face it, if the kid is over the age of ten and doesn't use the work fuck on a regular basis, there's something wrong with the little fucker. If learning certain words or things didn't cause your head to implode your child can probably learn them at any time without any harm...other than your precious delusions of what the real world is like.

Ok, I don't really know why they made that change but I'm ducking pissed off about it still. Oh great, there's another word I need to enter!

New students need to start learning now!

OMG!!! It's the first day of classes here and I've already had enough of the new students. I guess part of it is my own fault, I decided to go to lunch right around noon. I know better than that, but I get in at 7:30 so by the time noon rolls around I'm hungry. Of course this is when everyone else goes to lunch, which wouldn't be bad, except all the kids are here without their parents to tell them what to do.

Maybe I'm just getting cynical and old, after all I am a decade older than most of the students at this university...wow that's kind of sad. But I would hope that by the time you go to university you would know how to walk down a sidewalk or stand out of the way. But they don't, they walk four across, really slowly, while listening to the dumbest one of the group on a cell phone with a friend:

"Yeah, we're walking to Church street."
"I think it's Church street."
"We're almost there. Where are you? How long until you get there?"

* The above is an actual quote from a girl I was stuck walking behind for half a block

This pathetic electronic hand holding is going to drive me up the wall. Just call the person, set a destination and a time and don't call again until you get there!

At least I didn't have problems on the bus this morning. A lab mate told me that her bus was seriously delayed because none of the new students could figure out the complex systems. Like reading the digital signs that spell out the destination or how to pay the fare. Incidentally there is a widely promoted "how to ride the bus" program in the Twin Cities, so there really is no excuse not to know how to ride them (and it's not that complicated anyway).

I think the part that annoys me the most is all these student/social/activist/commercial groups that suddenly show up to shove pieces of paper in your face every time you turn around. The worst part is that by 9:30 this morning the university was already a mess of papers and trash just left strewn around by these idiotic new students.

The worst part of all this, is that I'm no longer in Alberta so I don't get to see my favorite first week school sightings, cowboys on campus.

Part III: Pants

Alright it's time to get back to telling guys what not to wear. And it's clear that this needs to be done, while waiting for the bus this morning I saw a hair "style" that I forgot to mention...mostly because I didn't think I would ever see it now that the 80's are almost 3 decades ago. But I guess I was wrong, this morning I got to see a fabulous example of the dreaded "rat tail". I just want to know what self respecting stylist will actually cut his hair that way? Oh yeah, he probably goes to Supercuts (they do sponsor a nascar team after all).

Anyway onto pants. This one you would think would be easy...actually you wouldn't think any of these would be all that hard, but evidently that's far from true for many people. Now pants are pretty easy just the same, you have a limited choice of styles and unlike skirts you don't have to worry about things like hem length and other issues of fit. Despite all this people still seem to fuck it up!

First of all, get pants that fit, most people have this right but some (possibly my boss) can't seem to find a pant leg that is the right length. Your pants should come down to the top of your shoes, not the top of your socks! This really shouldn't be that hard to figure out. When you are trying on your pants look down. If this is too hard, look in a mirror, do you see your socks? Are your pants still on? If so find a longer pair of pants. And don't try to claim they shrank in the wash, because for them to be showing two inches of sock means that your waist shrunk to the size of an Olson twins.

Secondly, only wear overalls for appropriate jobs. Actually scratch that, even farmers don't look good in overalls, come to think of it I don't recall seeing farmers wearing them that often while growing up. Overalls look cute on little kids, on grown men...well let's just say that like for the little kid, I will assume that you are also wearing a diaper.

Finally some of you will want to occasionally wear something other than jeans. This is good, I recommend it in fact. But please do me a favour, don't wear pleated pants. I really have no clue why these exist. They just look wrong! There is no need for these odd folds of fabric framing your crotch. Admittedly they can work with a suit, but don't try to wear them on their own, otherwise you will look like this goofy schmuck.

Ok, so Part IV is forthcoming, but as you can tell, there is no set schedule, so keep coming back to check for more.